Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My secret admirer

I got home from training today to find a gift box in the post (as a complete aside, training was pretty good, except that I was sitting next to a lady who had gaol tatts all over her arms. The tatt on the arm closest to me read 'mum(picture of heart)dad' and then had a date. I can only assume the date was of their murder/suicide, or the day they got busted for running drugs across the border, or when they were burned in a fire they started to get cash on a bogus insurance claim).

Anyhoo, my gift box. It looked exactly like the sort of box that tiaras or diamond necklaces come in (I assume), or - as is more in my league - a double deck of cards. The box was black, and embossed on the top in silver read 'Happy First Anniversary'.

First anniversary, you say? Of what? August last year...a quick flick of last year's diary reveals that August held a few spin classes (and to be fair, it's been about that long since I went to the gym), some interviews for uni, and some market research (yup, rich and fulfilling life over here!). I opened the box, hoping that it was a secret drop for the previous tenants and contained something fabulous - or at least not that deck of cards. A flash of blue and silver and I realised what it was...

The ANZ bank sent me a gift. A silver keyring with ANZ on it, and a big blue ANZ card, reading 'Who says the honeymoon's over?'. A letter inside:

"Congratulations! This time last year you were probably toasting to your new home with a glass of bubbly (glass - bottle - who am I to correct the bank). And so you should (darn straight). You don't achieve the dream of owning your own home every day. Look around you now, it's your own space and everything you have in place has your own unique touch"

Well. Who'd have thought that ANZ and I had a relationship now? Although, admittedly, I have paid them ten gazillion trillion dollars in interest, so I guess they do owe me a keyring and a pretty box. I read the letter about three times to make absolutely sure there was no mention of interest rates rising again, and although I can't see it I will check for invisible ink later.

The letter closes: "With us, the honeymoon's never over". Ah ANZ. I'll be your corporate whore any day!

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